Today's Crossfit workout went well. I warmed up with 500 meters on the rowing machine and some stretches, then I learned, well I think it was called a muscle snatch. Then on to the WOD.
10 push ups (on a pole on the weight bar)
10 shoulder presses (20 lbs)
500 meters rowing
Repeat 3X
I said "okay" but inside I was thinking there was no way I would be able to finish that workout. I did finish it, with a lot of encouragement from Dave. It took 17.06 minutes.
My eating has been off, with Easter tomorrow I haven't been too stressed about it being off. I will be back on full force come Monday.
Info for today:
Weight: 424 lbs (up a few pounds)
Waist: 61"
Hips: 66"
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Hard Doesn Not Mean Impossible
I'm feeling pretty accomplished right now. I had another workout, I learned how to do dead lifts and sumo dead lifts. I was dead lifting 53 lbs! That is something I never thought I would do, absolutely amazes and thrills me.
I warmed up with 500 meters on the rowing machine, some leg kicks, lunges and stretches. Then I learned how to properly do the lifts, we practiced those for a bit, then I did my WOD.
It was 12 reps/9 reps/6 reps dead lifting (53 lbs) and step ups (I used one of the 1" weights stacked on a thicker weight 2.5" maybe?). My time for that was 6.42 minutes. After resting for a bit and catching my breath I finished off with 500 more meters on the rowing machine as fast as I could without stopping.
Reading it, I know it doesn't sound like much, but I have to tell you I have never worked so hard in my life as I do at each crossfit workout. Never so hard, never get my heart pounding so much, never felt so accomplished. I wonder if what I feel at the end of a workout is a little taste of like a runner's high? It is a really good feeling, I can't wait till I can do more to get more of that good feeling. It is hard, and it is painful, but I love that it is short!
Okay, time to go, my arms are burning from holding them up to type...not even exaggerating here.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
My great Aunt Patsy had this photo posted on her facebook wall. I loved it!
Where to begin...well, I didn't workout today, my trainer has the flu, so we rescheduled for Thursday. I am having a difficult time getting my mind back on board with a pure Paleo, so I decided to compromise. A few years ago I read about Chris Powell helping David Elmore Smith loose 400 pounds, one of the things I remember reading was that David could have two cheat meals a week as long as there were two days in between them. I want to see if that will work for me. I would still like to make the cheat meals gluten and sugar free (I could be wrong, but for me I think it is a bigger culprit than dairy and corn). I don't know if it is a good idea for me or not, but I am going to at least try it and as long as I keep losing weight, then I will keep it like this. My hope is that eventually I won't want to use two cheat meals every week. It's tricky, for a long time I have felt that even though my weight is physical, the battle is going to be won or lost in my mind.
My plan worked during lunch today, we served tater-tot casserole and it really smelled good! I told myself, if I really want some I can make it and have it for one of my meals, that I like mine better anyway. It worked, I had a banana instead. Time will tell if this is a good plan long term for me.
Fasting blood sugar: 143, Calories for the day: 2826, Steps for the day: 2439.
Exciting news! My brother Dylan James has posted a few songs on youtube. If you click on his name it will take you to one of my favorites, Play Me by Neil Diamond.
I am going to weigh on Friday, I hope there will be a loss. As long as I am moving in the right direction, I don't mind moving a little slower if it means I stay in the game longer.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Back in the Saddle Again...
What a long day today has been. The first day back to work after a break is agonizing. Then the sun has to be out in full force making the kids a little squirrley, it is worse than a full moon. I think the ideal situation would be for the first day back to be an in-service day - NO KIDS! Give us a chance to become acclimated to work again. Who knew sitting in a chair and doing office work all day could be so strenuous, all of us in the office seemed to feel a bit beat up by the time we left.
This morning the office manager kindly reminded me Prom is only 5 weeks away! Yikes!!!
Food was hard today, being the first day back, I was really hungry all day today. So I ate. I brought plenty of good food with me to work just in case. By the time I got home I was really moody, I tried a new recipe and it was horrible, just terrible! The reviews said the chicken was nice and crunchy, mine was not nice and crunchy it was pasty and gross. So I washed off all the cooked chicken breasts. Chris thought he was watching Comedy Central, he couldn't stop making wise cracks and cracking himself up. It was kind of funny, pathetic, but funny.
I am tired of eating meat. It doesn't taste good. At least chicken and pork, I need to buy some beef, maybe that will taste good. It could be my cooking.
Tomorrow I have Crossfit, it will be the first time after working a full day. I am going in at 4:30 pm, I wonder if I will be off in a corner someplace since I know that is a regular class time. I hope my body is feeling better by tomorrow. My knee and hip were really hurting today, I believe it is inflammation from my poor food choices over the weekend. One thing for sure, I will sleep good tomorrow night.
Here is a breakdown of what I ate today, not where I want to be, but I did what I had to do to not go off. The exercise transfers into my Lose It account from my Fitbit . I love both, I have apps on my phone for both. The Fitbit is a fancy pedometer (it is very cool and much more than a pedometer), my steps for today were 2089. I will be curious to see what they are tomorrow after my workout.
This morning the office manager kindly reminded me Prom is only 5 weeks away! Yikes!!!
Food was hard today, being the first day back, I was really hungry all day today. So I ate. I brought plenty of good food with me to work just in case. By the time I got home I was really moody, I tried a new recipe and it was horrible, just terrible! The reviews said the chicken was nice and crunchy, mine was not nice and crunchy it was pasty and gross. So I washed off all the cooked chicken breasts. Chris thought he was watching Comedy Central, he couldn't stop making wise cracks and cracking himself up. It was kind of funny, pathetic, but funny.
I am tired of eating meat. It doesn't taste good. At least chicken and pork, I need to buy some beef, maybe that will taste good. It could be my cooking.
Tomorrow I have Crossfit, it will be the first time after working a full day. I am going in at 4:30 pm, I wonder if I will be off in a corner someplace since I know that is a regular class time. I hope my body is feeling better by tomorrow. My knee and hip were really hurting today, I believe it is inflammation from my poor food choices over the weekend. One thing for sure, I will sleep good tomorrow night.
Here is a breakdown of what I ate today, not where I want to be, but I did what I had to do to not go off. The exercise transfers into my Lose It account from my Fitbit . I love both, I have apps on my phone for both. The Fitbit is a fancy pedometer (it is very cool and much more than a pedometer), my steps for today were 2089. I will be curious to see what they are tomorrow after my workout.
Daily Report for April 2, 2012
| Daily Log | ||
| Breakfast | 253 | |
| Pure Protien - Great Lakes Gelatin | 3 Servings | 75 |
| Coffee, Brewed w/ Tap Water | 16 Fluid ounces | 5 |
| Milk, Almond, Original, Almond Breeze | ½ Cup | 30 |
| Coconut Flour Banana Muffins | 1 Serving | 143 |
| Lunch | 465 | |
| Nuts, Cashews, Halves & Pieces, Planters | ¾ Ounce | 120 |
| Chicken, Broiler/Fryer, Breast, w/o Skin, Rstd | 1 Each | 142 |
| Tomatoes, Fresh, Med | 1 Each | 22 |
| Coconut, Dried, Unswtnd | 2 Tablespoons | 61 |
| Coconut Flour, Bobs | 2 Tablespoons | 60 |
| Oil, Coconut, Organic, Spectrum Naturals | ½ Tablespoon | 60 |
| Dinner | 480 | |
| Chicken, Broiler/Fryer, Breast, w/o Skin, Rstd | ½ Each | 71 |
| Lettuce, Romaine, Hearts, Fresh | 1 Cup | 8 |
| Tomatoes, Fresh, Med | ⅔ Each | 15 |
| Bacon, Brld/Pan Fried/Rstd, Med Slice | 3 Pieces | 130 |
| Sweet Potatoes, Dark Orange, Fresh, Cubes | 1 Cup | 114 |
| Egg, Whole, Raw, Fresh, Lrg | 2 Each | 143 |
| Snacks | 792 | |
| Eas Premium Protein | 2 Scoops | 140 |
| Coffee, Brewed w/ Tap Water | 8 Fluid ounces | 2 |
| Paleo Pizza Crust | 1 Serving | 226 |
| Chicken, Breast, Chunk, Premium, In Water, Tyson | 3 Ounces | 90 |
| Dressing, Mayonnaise, Real | ½ Tablespoon | 48 |
| Onion, white, fresh, chpd | ⅛ Cup | 8 |
| Pickles, Kosher Dill, Med, 3 3/4" Long | ¼ Each | 2 |
| Olives, Black, Large, Cnd | 2 Each | 10 |
| Banana, Fresh, Med, 7" To 7 7/8" Long | 1 Each | 105 |
| Sugar Free Pecan Delight, Russell Stover | 2 Pieces | 160 |
| No nutrient data for: Fiber | ||
| Exercise | 76 | |
| Fitbit Adjustment | 158 min | 76 |
| Nutrients | ||
| Fat | 101g | 46% |
| Carbohydrates | 115g | 23% |
| Fiber | 25g | |
| Protein | 154g | 31% |
| Summary | |
| Food Calories | 1,991 |
| Exercise Calories | 76 |
| Net Calories | 1,915 |
| +/- Calories | -111 |
| Weight | - |
Sunday, April 1, 2012
April Fools
Here I am, getting ready to go to bed, wanting to confess that I seem to be the biggest fool of them all.
I was eating correctly today, preparing my food for next week, still hurting from my bad choices the night before. I went and picked Chris up around 4:00 pm, we stopped by my mom's house and then headed home. While we were driving I told Chris I had let him down and explained how, he then told me that he had pizza the night before too (he was house sitting). As we pulled into the driveway, Chris said, "I really want Taco Bell". I hadn't given Taco Bell a single thought for the last 15 days, yet like some Pavlovian response, I all of a sudden had to have Taco Bell.
We went and got the food, brought it back home and both of us thought it was disgusting. Chris tossed one item, I tossed two. I still felt bad after eating it, instant flushing of the face and headache.
I think I am done being stupid, at least for awhile. I wasn't going to post about this, but what good is a blog to help keep me accountable if I don't post the low points.
I weighed myself this morning. I found the scale and weighed myself. Today's weight 421.6 lbs, a loss of 12.4 lbs.
I want to end with a quote by H. Stanley Judd that Sheila N. had posted on her facebook wall.
I was eating correctly today, preparing my food for next week, still hurting from my bad choices the night before. I went and picked Chris up around 4:00 pm, we stopped by my mom's house and then headed home. While we were driving I told Chris I had let him down and explained how, he then told me that he had pizza the night before too (he was house sitting). As we pulled into the driveway, Chris said, "I really want Taco Bell". I hadn't given Taco Bell a single thought for the last 15 days, yet like some Pavlovian response, I all of a sudden had to have Taco Bell.
We went and got the food, brought it back home and both of us thought it was disgusting. Chris tossed one item, I tossed two. I still felt bad after eating it, instant flushing of the face and headache.
I think I am done being stupid, at least for awhile. I wasn't going to post about this, but what good is a blog to help keep me accountable if I don't post the low points.
I weighed myself this morning. I found the scale and weighed myself. Today's weight 421.6 lbs, a loss of 12.4 lbs.
I want to end with a quote by H. Stanley Judd that Sheila N. had posted on her facebook wall.
Paleo - Day 15, March 31, 2012
Last night at The Zen I had the mongolian grill. Something must have
been in the sauces I chose. Sugar, gluten. Bad stuff. Within an hour I was
feeling on edge. I also did two jello shots. I've always wanted to try those,
so I decided why not. Well I never need to do that again. I'd rather have a
straight shot of alcohol. Oh and I ate the 1/2-3/4 cup of white rice that came
with it because I had put too much hot oil in the mix. Sheesh! By the time I
got home I was achy all over and felt really sick to my stomach
I was sick to my stomach and felt horrible all night long. I had to cancel my workout session today, which I felt terrible about, but I was sick. Surely it couldn't have just been from my food, stomach flu? Probably not, probably just from what I ate. I started feeling better around noon. Though I felt like I was back to square one with cravings, I was craving things in the worst way.
Dylan called around 4 and asked if I wanted to go with Shannon to Splitz, he was playing a private part. We went, I should have eaten before we went, but I didn't. Big mistake. We sat out of the way, it turns out we sat near the food, guess what they were serving? Pizza. I swear there are times my food cravings can not be any less intense than what a drug addict feels towards drugs. My thoughts weren't rational. My fists were clenched. I should have left. Went for a walk or just flat out said I was sorry but that I had to leave. I didn't, instead I ate. It tasted so good. Why do I get so much pleasure from food, food that is bad for me. Five slices of pizza, hot spinach dip and chips, and a slice of cake. I felt horrible. Physically I was having hot flashes, I felt flush, I felt like my skin was too tight, edgy, my stomach blew up like a balloon. Mentally I feel absolutely terrible. I have let my son down. I haven't told him yet. He has been keeping his end of the bargain, 30 days. I blew it. I had told friends and family about eating Paleo and I blew it. I can't undo it, I can't change things. I can only try again.
Less than four hours after eating gluten and dairy I am congested. My body aches everywhere. I feel like a roly poly weeble wobble. I have to eat clean. There is no way I can do Crossfit while eating crap like I did last night. When I eat food like pizza and cake, my body is filled with pain and inflammation. I can barely move, I am physically weaker. I hope enough of it is out of my system before my next session, which hopefully will be Tuesday.
Paleo - Day 14, March 30, 2012
I need to find a happy place. I need to find
measurable goals. I feel like I should look in the
mirror and see changes already. I mean surely you don't give all you have for
two workout sessions and not see a difference. Okay I know how unreasonable
that sounds.
Seriously though I need to be on the lookout for every change no matter how slight. I know there isn't going to be a massive change in how I look. I am not going to wake up one day and feel energetic and amazing. Yet I need to see progress.
Seriously though I need to be on the lookout for every change no matter how slight. I know there isn't going to be a massive change in how I look. I am not going to wake up one day and feel energetic and amazing. Yet I need to see progress.
Paleo Day 13, Crossfit 2nd Workout, March 29, 2012
Second
workout. I learned how to do a back squat, a shoulder press and something else,
a shoulder press with a jump, a jump press?, not sure of the name.
I did my WOD in 11.24 minutes. I am spent. I gave everything I had. It would have been faster but I had to stop a few times to breathe. On the rowing machine my stomach crunches up and squishes my lungs making it hard to catch my breath. All in all a good workout. My workout of the day (WOD) was 3RFT (repeat workout 3x for best time). The workout was 10 air squats, 7 shoulder presses at 20lbs and 250 M of rowing.
I did my WOD in 11.24 minutes. I am spent. I gave everything I had. It would have been faster but I had to stop a few times to breathe. On the rowing machine my stomach crunches up and squishes my lungs making it hard to catch my breath. All in all a good workout. My workout of the day (WOD) was 3RFT (repeat workout 3x for best time). The workout was 10 air squats, 7 shoulder presses at 20lbs and 250 M of rowing.
I was so sore, I didn't move the rest of the day. In fact I took a nap (Spring Break, woo hoo!) after today's workout and after Tuesday's workout. So sore both days, but especially today. Oh my goodness, I could not move. But it felt good, you know what I mean?
I have got to learn to keep my mouth shut for the first 30 minutes or so after working out. I think I enter some type of exercise induced euphoria. I finish working out, I am sucking air trying to breath, as soon as I am able to catch my breath, I go over to the bench where my water bottle is, slake my thirst and sit there for a minute breathing hard, then I think, "man, I feel really good, I want to feel like this all the time", so I ask Dave, "when can I come in 5 times a week, you know, Monday - Friday?". Now Dave had the decency not to laugh in my face, instead he calmly explained that because Crossfit is such an intense workout, no one works out 5 days in a row. Disappointed I told him that I like coming in, I feel like a lump the rest of the time. He suggested I go for a walk on my off days or perhaps even setting a small goal for myself, like doing the dishes standing up instead of sitting down. I thank him, tell him that is a great idea and head home. Well by the time I get home I can barely get out of the car. Dishes? nope, can't move my arms. I go lay down. While laying down I wonder what in the heck I was thinking to blurt out I want to do this 5 times a week. I will be lucky to move tomorrow.
Something similar happened after the first workout, only I didn't blurt it out right then, I waited till we began our second workout. I told Dave, "you know, on that first workout I was spent at the end of each exercise, but at the end of the workout I still felt really good, like I had more to give". Dave just smiled. Then he told me that the first workout was easy, just easing me into it. Today it would be harder. Going through the workout 3 times, I thought it was going to kill me. I even made sure Dave was CPR certified.
Paleo - Day 11, Crossfit - 1st Workout, March 27, 2012
Eating is going well. I am not loving it, but it is doable, on the plus
side I don't have problems with portion control. I still miss cheese,
but right now it is worth it.
Today I had my first session with my trainer Dave at Roseburg Crossfit. It was great! Amazing! I loved it!!!! Okay, so I am sore now, and I worked hard, but it felt so good working out hard. I can't wait for our session on Thursday. Everything is modified so I am able to do the moves.
Today's workout - completed in 7.02 minutes
300 meters on the rowing machine
20 air squats (using a 20" box)
15 sit-ups (on a bench, going half way down and then back up)
15 push-ups (8 45 lb weights stacked in two piles on bench)
10 pull-ups using rings
I guess it doesn't sound like much written down, but it was hard and intense and I loved it.
Today I had my first session with my trainer Dave at Roseburg Crossfit. It was great! Amazing! I loved it!!!! Okay, so I am sore now, and I worked hard, but it felt so good working out hard. I can't wait for our session on Thursday. Everything is modified so I am able to do the moves.
Today's workout - completed in 7.02 minutes
300 meters on the rowing machine
20 air squats (using a 20" box)
15 sit-ups (on a bench, going half way down and then back up)
15 push-ups (8 45 lb weights stacked in two piles on bench)
10 pull-ups using rings
I guess it doesn't sound like much written down, but it was hard and intense and I loved it.
Paleo - Day 10, March 26, 2012
Good day! I went and listened to Dylan at the China Station tonight. I really thought about getting fried shrimp. Instead I chose beef and broccoli and cashew chicken. I even checked with the cook to make sure there was no flour in either dish. Next time I will ask for no sugar as well. I could taste sugar in the cashew chicken.
Chris weighed me again and I have another loss. I am excited.
Chris weighed me again and I have another loss. I am excited.
Paleo - Day 8, March 24, 2012
Yesterday I went to Roseburg Crossfit, I met with Dave, the owner and
one of the trainers. I also watched a workout. I am going in Tuesday for
my first workout, the first 6 classes are private where I will learn
proper form and my modifications, then I will join regular classes.
I sent Dave an email this morning, I think I will post it here since it sums up how I am feeling at the moment.
Hi Dave,
I wanted to say I really enjoyed meeting you yesterday and getting to watch a workout. It was exciting and scary, and I want what they have. I want to be fit and strong. I want to work out knowing I gave 100%. I am used to being in pain, hurting all over from the excess weight, I want to be sore, knowing that it is something I earned from working hard, something that is helping my body. I know this will sound weird, but I want to sweat. Except for about a 2-3 week period in 2010 when I met with a trainer at regular gym (I quit because my knee flared up so badly from the workouts I could hardly walk, I think it was the treadmill and going up and down a step, steps hurt my knees at my current weight) I have never worked out hard enough to sweat, at least not in the last 20 years. I am really looking forward to getting started on Tuesday, of course I realize I may be singing another song once the workout begins. :)
I did a google search and think I found the person you referred to in San Diego. I watched two videos of a woman named Irene who has lost more than 100 lbs. It was pretty exciting to hear her talk about her progress doing the squats with lots of modifications and after about six months being able to do them with no modifications. If she did it, I should be able to do it too. At least that is what I keep telling myself. I try not to listen to the doubts. While watching the workout yesterday, I did have the thought pop into my head that I don't even remember when I have stood for 45 minutes let alone stand/workout. I was telling Sheila that right now, I even sit most of the time to do the dishes and cook. I am really embarrassed to admit that, but that is where I am at.
A little more about me, my heaviest weight was 451 lbs, I reached that a few years ago. For the most part I hover around 420 lbs, sometimes I drop down to 395 or so and sometimes back up to 445 or so. Other than a few months time, I have been over 400 lbs since my son was born 17 years ago. When I started eating Paleo 8 days ago I was 434 lbs. In 2006 I did Atkins and got down to 359 for one day, then I bounced around slowly going back up. I never could stay on Atkins for more than 2 months. Of course the 2 months on Atkins was the longest I've stayed on any program. The real litmus test is if I stay on Paleo longer than 60 days, at least in my mind when I pass the 60 day mark that is when I will probably let myself believe that "hey, I really am making a life change".
I am excited and looking forward to beginning, to changing. As the saying goes, doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is insanity. I am ready to do something different.
I will give you a call tomorrow.
Lisa
I sent Dave an email this morning, I think I will post it here since it sums up how I am feeling at the moment.
Hi Dave,
I wanted to say I really enjoyed meeting you yesterday and getting to watch a workout. It was exciting and scary, and I want what they have. I want to be fit and strong. I want to work out knowing I gave 100%. I am used to being in pain, hurting all over from the excess weight, I want to be sore, knowing that it is something I earned from working hard, something that is helping my body. I know this will sound weird, but I want to sweat. Except for about a 2-3 week period in 2010 when I met with a trainer at regular gym (I quit because my knee flared up so badly from the workouts I could hardly walk, I think it was the treadmill and going up and down a step, steps hurt my knees at my current weight) I have never worked out hard enough to sweat, at least not in the last 20 years. I am really looking forward to getting started on Tuesday, of course I realize I may be singing another song once the workout begins. :)
I did a google search and think I found the person you referred to in San Diego. I watched two videos of a woman named Irene who has lost more than 100 lbs. It was pretty exciting to hear her talk about her progress doing the squats with lots of modifications and after about six months being able to do them with no modifications. If she did it, I should be able to do it too. At least that is what I keep telling myself. I try not to listen to the doubts. While watching the workout yesterday, I did have the thought pop into my head that I don't even remember when I have stood for 45 minutes let alone stand/workout. I was telling Sheila that right now, I even sit most of the time to do the dishes and cook. I am really embarrassed to admit that, but that is where I am at.
A little more about me, my heaviest weight was 451 lbs, I reached that a few years ago. For the most part I hover around 420 lbs, sometimes I drop down to 395 or so and sometimes back up to 445 or so. Other than a few months time, I have been over 400 lbs since my son was born 17 years ago. When I started eating Paleo 8 days ago I was 434 lbs. In 2006 I did Atkins and got down to 359 for one day, then I bounced around slowly going back up. I never could stay on Atkins for more than 2 months. Of course the 2 months on Atkins was the longest I've stayed on any program. The real litmus test is if I stay on Paleo longer than 60 days, at least in my mind when I pass the 60 day mark that is when I will probably let myself believe that "hey, I really am making a life change".
I am excited and looking forward to beginning, to changing. As the saying goes, doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is insanity. I am ready to do something different.
I will give you a call tomorrow.
Lisa
Paleo - Day 7, March 23, 2012
FBS 156 - not going in the direction I want, not sure why.
Another sleepless night. I am not falling asleep right away and my neck and shoulders are so sore.
Today I went to Roseburg Crossfit. I met Dave the owner and trainer. He is a really nice guy, he seems to genuinely care. After my email a few days ago he even called a couple of gyms in San Diego to confer with them about how to train me. One of the gyms had a lady who weighed over 450 lbs when she began and is now under 300 lbs. It is going to be hard work. Crazy hard work. I will have his support if I want it. Sheila was there with me. I was really glad she said she would meet me there, if it hadn't been for that I would have thought about bailing. I mean I wanted to check it out, but really, what place does someone who is exhausted from grocery shopping have in a place like a crossfit gym?!? After talking to Dave, Sheila and I stayed and watched a class, talk about intense! Sheila kept reassuring me that every starts at the beginning and I will be able to do it.
I have been swelling this week and I am not sure why.
Another sleepless night. I am not falling asleep right away and my neck and shoulders are so sore.
Today I went to Roseburg Crossfit. I met Dave the owner and trainer. He is a really nice guy, he seems to genuinely care. After my email a few days ago he even called a couple of gyms in San Diego to confer with them about how to train me. One of the gyms had a lady who weighed over 450 lbs when she began and is now under 300 lbs. It is going to be hard work. Crazy hard work. I will have his support if I want it. Sheila was there with me. I was really glad she said she would meet me there, if it hadn't been for that I would have thought about bailing. I mean I wanted to check it out, but really, what place does someone who is exhausted from grocery shopping have in a place like a crossfit gym?!? After talking to Dave, Sheila and I stayed and watched a class, talk about intense! Sheila kept reassuring me that every starts at the beginning and I will be able to do it.
I have been swelling this week and I am not sure why.
Paleo - Day 6, March 22, 2012
Another night of not sleeping well. This morning's blood sugar is 145.
Today has been good, I was really busy at work, I worked through lunch. I know eating this way is good in that I feel more evenly keeled. I don't feel like I'm on a roller coaster, even when I am hungry.
Chris weighed me this afternoon. He won't tell me the weight until I finish the 30 days, but he did tell me that I had lost that I was at least under 430 lbs. That means I have lost at least 5 pounds, which is nice to know.
Crossfit tomorrow. Excited. Nervous.
I forgot to write down that on Day 3 I measured my stomach, a few inches below my bra band, it is the biggest part of my stomach, a beach ball. It was 66". I bet it would have measured even bigger on day 1, I looked like I was 9 months pregnant. It is still big, but not quite as hard. I remember from when I have done Atkins that that upper beach ball stomach shrinks and gets soft when I am not on grains.
I just re-measured both my waist on the beach ball stomach, I lost an inch in both places.
Waist is now 63"
Beach Ball is now 65"'
I got a letter from Jessica today, it made me cry. She told me how thankful she was that I was her mom and that I was a good mom and how much she loved me. Sometimes I feel like such a bad parent, so lacking. Between my weight, poor health and battling depression on and off, I was not the mom I wanted to be. Sometimes I was, but so often I missed the mark. Her note means so much to me.
Today has been good, I was really busy at work, I worked through lunch. I know eating this way is good in that I feel more evenly keeled. I don't feel like I'm on a roller coaster, even when I am hungry.
Chris weighed me this afternoon. He won't tell me the weight until I finish the 30 days, but he did tell me that I had lost that I was at least under 430 lbs. That means I have lost at least 5 pounds, which is nice to know.
Crossfit tomorrow. Excited. Nervous.
I forgot to write down that on Day 3 I measured my stomach, a few inches below my bra band, it is the biggest part of my stomach, a beach ball. It was 66". I bet it would have measured even bigger on day 1, I looked like I was 9 months pregnant. It is still big, but not quite as hard. I remember from when I have done Atkins that that upper beach ball stomach shrinks and gets soft when I am not on grains.
I just re-measured both my waist on the beach ball stomach, I lost an inch in both places.
Waist is now 63"
Beach Ball is now 65"'
I got a letter from Jessica today, it made me cry. She told me how thankful she was that I was her mom and that I was a good mom and how much she loved me. Sometimes I feel like such a bad parent, so lacking. Between my weight, poor health and battling depression on and off, I was not the mom I wanted to be. Sometimes I was, but so often I missed the mark. Her note means so much to me.
Paleo - Day 5, March 21, 2012
I was still awake at 10:00 pm last night, so I didn't get a full 8-9 hours sleep. I am tired this morning dreaming of coffee. I need to get some almond milk so I can make coffee at home.
My fasting blood sugar was 165 this morning. Yesterday's was high too. i am not sure why. Of course I wasn't checking it when I was eating poorly lately, so it could have been higher, I am not sure.
Home from work. Tomorrow's lunch is ready to go. I am flat out exhausted! I'm trying to stay up till 6 or 7 and then go to bed. Being tired is NOT good, it leaves me open to thinking about poor food choices. Not seriously thinking but I can see if I were to have another day like this it would be really easy to loose control.
I really want to weigh myself!!!
Dylan and Shannon gave me their coffee pot that they were going to yard sale. I bought some almond milk. Coffee tomorrow morning! I am really excited the pot has a timer, I'll have coffee all ready for me when I get out of the shower. How cool is that!
I am having a very difficult time tonight. I really want pizza in the worse way. I would even settle for cheese with sauce, but I am not doing dairy. Oh my gosh, I really really want to eat pizza. I hope the cravings are so strong just because I am tired.
I wish I knew if I were losing weight. I wish I knew if eating this way is something i can stick with forever. If not, then why I am going through the effort.
I need to give this a solid 30 days.
My fasting blood sugar was 165 this morning. Yesterday's was high too. i am not sure why. Of course I wasn't checking it when I was eating poorly lately, so it could have been higher, I am not sure.
Home from work. Tomorrow's lunch is ready to go. I am flat out exhausted! I'm trying to stay up till 6 or 7 and then go to bed. Being tired is NOT good, it leaves me open to thinking about poor food choices. Not seriously thinking but I can see if I were to have another day like this it would be really easy to loose control.
I really want to weigh myself!!!
Dylan and Shannon gave me their coffee pot that they were going to yard sale. I bought some almond milk. Coffee tomorrow morning! I am really excited the pot has a timer, I'll have coffee all ready for me when I get out of the shower. How cool is that!
I am having a very difficult time tonight. I really want pizza in the worse way. I would even settle for cheese with sauce, but I am not doing dairy. Oh my gosh, I really really want to eat pizza. I hope the cravings are so strong just because I am tired.
I wish I knew if I were losing weight. I wish I knew if eating this way is something i can stick with forever. If not, then why I am going through the effort.
I need to give this a solid 30 days.
Paleo - Day 4, March 20, 2012
I think I am beginning to feel better I am excited about that. I will wait to see what tomorrow brings. I am cautiously optimistic.
I am so proud of Chris, he is staying on it. Apparently he stopped by Grammy's yesterday and told her he couldn't eat her cooking anymore (he loves my mom's cooking). Today he forgot his lunch at home and only ate a few apples at school to stay on plan. I am so impressed and proud and so very thannkful he is doing this with me.
Food for today: leftover chicken stir fry for breakfast, chicken burger, raw almonds and dried appricots for snacks, salad with chicken, vinegar and oil for lunch. Dinner was pork with brussell sprouts.
On Friday I am going to meet Sheila Neilsen at Roseburg Crossfit for a free workout to see if it is something I can/want to do. I am excited. I am also nervous. I hope it works, I hope it can be modified enough to work for me. I want to be strong, I want to be flexible, I want to be healthy. I want to work so hard that sweat is pouring off of me. I want to feel like I gave all I had, holding nothing back.
I am so proud of Chris, he is staying on it. Apparently he stopped by Grammy's yesterday and told her he couldn't eat her cooking anymore (he loves my mom's cooking). Today he forgot his lunch at home and only ate a few apples at school to stay on plan. I am so impressed and proud and so very thannkful he is doing this with me.
Food for today: leftover chicken stir fry for breakfast, chicken burger, raw almonds and dried appricots for snacks, salad with chicken, vinegar and oil for lunch. Dinner was pork with brussell sprouts.
On Friday I am going to meet Sheila Neilsen at Roseburg Crossfit for a free workout to see if it is something I can/want to do. I am excited. I am also nervous. I hope it works, I hope it can be modified enough to work for me. I want to be strong, I want to be flexible, I want to be healthy. I want to work so hard that sweat is pouring off of me. I want to feel like I gave all I had, holding nothing back.
Paleo - Day 3, March 19, 2012
I am really really tired. Part of it I am sure is due to not sleeping well last night.
I want to weigh myself so badly, though the truth is if I were to weigh in and not have lost I am sure I would be eating burritos, enchiladas or mashed potatoes in no time flat. They are all things I am desperately craving right now.
It is only day 3 and I am so tired of eating meat. I am tired of chewing and chewing and chewing. Stir fry, hamburger/broccoli mixture, chicken salad...chew, chew, chew. I hope tomorrow is better. Today I found myself wondering why I am doing this. I have a hard time believing it will actually work, that I will become thinner and healthier.
I am hungry, my stomach is hungry, but I DON'T want to chew chew chew. I don't want to eat what I am allowed to eat. I find myself eating a few bites and pushing it away.
I guess things would be different if I felt good, but I don't I feel like Jabba the Hut. I feel hugh, slow, tired and achy.
30 days. I need to stay with it the 30 days. I can do this. I can do this. I will do this. I need sleep, sleep will make a difference.
I want to weigh myself so badly, though the truth is if I were to weigh in and not have lost I am sure I would be eating burritos, enchiladas or mashed potatoes in no time flat. They are all things I am desperately craving right now.
It is only day 3 and I am so tired of eating meat. I am tired of chewing and chewing and chewing. Stir fry, hamburger/broccoli mixture, chicken salad...chew, chew, chew. I hope tomorrow is better. Today I found myself wondering why I am doing this. I have a hard time believing it will actually work, that I will become thinner and healthier.
I am hungry, my stomach is hungry, but I DON'T want to chew chew chew. I don't want to eat what I am allowed to eat. I find myself eating a few bites and pushing it away.
I guess things would be different if I felt good, but I don't I feel like Jabba the Hut. I feel hugh, slow, tired and achy.
30 days. I need to stay with it the 30 days. I can do this. I can do this. I will do this. I need sleep, sleep will make a difference.
Paleo - Day 2, March 18, 2012
Yesterday I weighed 434 lbs, the day before I was 435 lbs. My waist was 64", I took photos of my face and body. Chris has put the scale away for me. I don't want to get caught up in weighing myself. It messes with my mind when I don't see the results I think I should see and most of the time the results I want to see aren't realistic. I will take photos and measurements every 30 days.
I am so very tired, I am getting over pnemonia and fighting some type of flu, at least that is what the doctor thinks. I slept most of yesterday, waking up to do some cooking and then going back to sleep.
Exciting news! Chris is making the 30 day commitment with me to see if he feels better. It sure helps knowing he is doing this too.
Yesterday I ate chicken stir fry for lunch, pork stir fry for dinner. I also ate some sliced roast beef with mustard for breakfast. I ate 2 dried apricots and 21 almonds. Right before bed I ate a banana with almond butter.
Today I ate chicken stir fry for breakfast, bacon, chai tea with coconut milk, 5 dried apricots, ground beef with broccoli slaw and some spaghetti sauce and a banana with almond butter.
The second day is now at a close. I am itching to weigh myself. I wish I knew if I was loosing weight. I am going to wait 30 days to weigh in. My concern is what if I am gaining weight? It freaks me out! I don't think I am though. I mean I was probably eating 3000-5000 calories a day before, I am sure I am no where near that now.
I am so very tired, I am getting over pnemonia and fighting some type of flu, at least that is what the doctor thinks. I slept most of yesterday, waking up to do some cooking and then going back to sleep.
Exciting news! Chris is making the 30 day commitment with me to see if he feels better. It sure helps knowing he is doing this too.
Yesterday I ate chicken stir fry for lunch, pork stir fry for dinner. I also ate some sliced roast beef with mustard for breakfast. I ate 2 dried apricots and 21 almonds. Right before bed I ate a banana with almond butter.
Today I ate chicken stir fry for breakfast, bacon, chai tea with coconut milk, 5 dried apricots, ground beef with broccoli slaw and some spaghetti sauce and a banana with almond butter.
The second day is now at a close. I am itching to weigh myself. I wish I knew if I was loosing weight. I am going to wait 30 days to weigh in. My concern is what if I am gaining weight? It freaks me out! I don't think I am though. I mean I was probably eating 3000-5000 calories a day before, I am sure I am no where near that now.
Paleo - Day 1, March 17, 2012
Day 1 of eating Paleo. Above are photos of my face from this morning. I am not ready to post my full body pictures, that probably won't happen until I have serious progress photos to post with them. My weight this morning was 434 lbs, my waist measured 64 inches.
After much reading I really think eating and living a paleo lifestyle is the correct way. I am going to give it 30 days and see how it goes. My eating is really out of control, it has been getting worse. I have to do something. Seeing the photos from today was really sobering. I honestly didn't realize I looked THAT bad. To be honest I am trying not to dwell too much on the photos, if I do, I will end up not wanting to leave the house. That would not be good.
Today has gone well. I have slept a lot. Not that the need for sleep has anything to do with the lifestyle change, I have been under the weather and needing extra sleep anyway.
The best part of beginning this 30 days? My son, Chris has committed to doing it with me. That means so much to me. It also helps strengthen the decision not to break the 30 days.
January 2012 - February 2012
Random Thoughts from my Cozi Journal, an app I
have on my phone.
January 13, 2012
I just don't know if I can or want to do this. I should want to and
part of me does, but I really want to eat. I just keep thinking how good food
tastes and how badly I want some. I need to be locked away I think. What is
wrong with me? I should want to be thin and healthy, to live a long life. All I
can think of if food, how much I want it and want to feel full and warm. I am
sure I have food addictions going on. How many times in my life have I felt
like Esau selling his birthright. That is my life story, I trade everything I
want in life for what I want right now, which is invariably food.
January
13, 2012
I
need to remember: It's not easy, but it's simple.
January 14, 2012
Good morning day 4, I'm so glad I made it through
yesterday.
Really thankful Shannon was with me a good portion of the time, talking me down
from jumping into poor food choices several times yesterday. I am happy to say
I now weigh 399.6 lbs! I am under 400 pounds and hope to never cross back over
that border.
January
15, 2012
I broke the juice fast after 3.5 days. I ate
yesterday evening and today. I plan on juicing again tomorrow or
Tuesday. I have eaten some cookie dough and notice it doesn't taste very good.
Interesting. The burger I at last night ( other half for breakfast today) was
incredibly good. Sugar isn't appealing. Good news. Hmmm I'm eating pizza right
now. It doesn't taste as good as it used too.
January
16, 2012
Ate some zingers today. They weren't good at all. I find it
interesting that I got more satisfaction from a dried fig than the sugary
packaged food.
I also made tacos they didn't do a lot for me either. My tastes are changing. I am changing.
I also made tacos they didn't do a lot for me either. My tastes are changing. I am changing.
January
17, 2012
Weight:
411 lbs
I'm excited to be back on juice, after 2.5 days off I am craving it. Also the food I've eaten is overly salty and overly sweet. My body is craving water and nutrients.
I'm excited to be back on juice, after 2.5 days off I am craving it. Also the food I've eaten is overly salty and overly sweet. My body is craving water and nutrients.
January
17, 2012
Didn't stay on plan. I wasn't hungry but I talked
myself into eating.
Juicing is what I need right now. It will work for me if I give it a chance.
January
19, 2012
I
am revved up and ready to go. At least I was last night. So much so that I only
slept 3 hours. Now feeling exhausted. On top of that severe allergies have
kicked in. I can't take a benadryl, it would finish me off.
Thoughts:
I
don't have to eat to be social.
In time it won't feel awkward to be the only one not eating, I'll actually enjoy myself more, reveling in the freedom from food.
In time it won't feel awkward to be the only one not eating, I'll actually enjoy myself more, reveling in the freedom from food.
This
is how I want to feel/think:
I feel accomplished.
I feel in control.
I feel free.
I feel comfortable in my own skin, light and flexible.
I feel physically and mentally strong.
I feel ready for adventure.
I feel accomplished.
I feel in control.
I feel free.
I feel comfortable in my own skin, light and flexible.
I feel physically and mentally strong.
I feel ready for adventure.
January
21, 2012
412
lbs
I
want to succeed at this. I want to finally accomplish a goal I set for myself.
This is me. This is my life, my choice. I choose freedom.
January 24, 2012
Gearing up for tomorrow. I am ready. I firmly believe
that this battle, though physical will be won or lost in my mind. I am ready to
fight. I have been getting mentally stronger with each go. Physically my body
is screaming for the nutrients. I am ready.
January 28, 2012
"you can not try, you have to just f#@*ing do it"
Bob Harper
February
2, 2012
414.4
lbs
Stayed on plan till last night. Ate food from fridge it was not as good as I thought it would be. I thought about not starting till after the superbowl next Monday but if I wait that long I'll want to wait till after grandma's wedding on the 11th, which means starting on the 12 th, that seems like a long time to wait.
Then I slept so great last night, like I did before while juicing it makes me want more.
So I am starting out with juice and we'll see where the day goes.
Stayed on plan till last night. Ate food from fridge it was not as good as I thought it would be. I thought about not starting till after the superbowl next Monday but if I wait that long I'll want to wait till after grandma's wedding on the 11th, which means starting on the 12 th, that seems like a long time to wait.
Then I slept so great last night, like I did before while juicing it makes me want more.
So I am starting out with juice and we'll see where the day goes.
February
26, 2012
I have been sick for over a week. It is in my chest
and I feel terrible.
Chris has been wonderful today. I really wanted fresh juice but no energy to
make it. He did most of the work including washing the juicer. I am so
appreciative of his help.
Note:
Even though I tried numerous times, I never was able to juice fast longer than 4 days during January and February, I think I only stayed on it 4 days once. Most were just 1 or 2 day attempts. At that point I realized although I do like the juice, the Mean Green really is invigorating, a juice fast at this point doesn't seem to be happening and I need to look into something more suited for me.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)